So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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