my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
