She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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