Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
