Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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