yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
