I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize