If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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