I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
