theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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