You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
