I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
