I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
