we made out on top of his cat.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize