I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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