I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
