We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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