I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
