Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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