That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
