whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
