i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize