I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
