glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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