He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize