Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
