where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize