They should really pass out barf bags in church
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
