the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i out mim tonsoeep
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