Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I need a burrito and a hug.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
