It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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