I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
