hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize