i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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