so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
