Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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