Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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