im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
