we have officially lost it.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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