exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
