I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
