i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
