You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
