my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
