I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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