He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
