She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
