if you like me you must not know who I am
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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