My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
