ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
