I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
