Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
