You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
