I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
