I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
