Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
