I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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