I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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