don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
