Someone shit on the floor
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
