Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
