The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
