he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
