that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
