hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
