The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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