i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i think my cat just said my name.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
