either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
